Hooking up with someone for the first time can be passionate, exciting…and completely nerve-wracking. That’s right, ladies—we’re not all as calm and collected as we may seem. Under that shirt you’re just waiting to rip off (a man can dream, right?) is a guy who wants you but also really, really wants to please you. Don’t get me wrong—we are champing at the bit to get in your pants—but we’re also anxious as hell. Here are some of men’s biggest first-time fears.
1. Dragon Breath and Tiger Claws
Yes, men can be gross (I swear there is an elf that pees on toilet seats). But that doesn’t mean we aren’t worried about our hygiene when we’re about to get in bed with you. From the very first kiss of the night, we start to think, “I hope my mouth still tastes like spearmint and not that fried calamari appetizer and tequila shot.” (Side note: If that’s what he orders, then maybe we have bigger problems—but you get the picture.) The thought continues to haunt us until the foreplay begins and suddenly we can’t remember if we cut our fingernails or not. So remember: If a guy runs to the restroom for a quick second when things are getting steamy, try not to be frustrated with him for messing with the mood. He probably just wants to freshen up—like you’ve no doubt done before.
Unless he’s Jon “The Bulge” Hamm, he probably isn’t 100 percent confident in his size. Now, you don’t have to stretch the truth and say, “Oh my God, you’re the biggest guy I’ve ever been with,” but a little vocalization never hurt anybody. My personal favorite was when a woman looked me up and down and said, “Oh, I can tell we’re going to have a lot of fun” when my jeans hit the floor. Even an excited or approving nod during the de-pantsing can go a long way. Confidence leads to better performance in bed, and a better performance leads to a more pleasured you.
3. What Your Moans Mean
If I had a quarter for every time I’ve thought, “Is that a good sign…or would she rather be catching up on her Netflix queue right now?” during sex, then I would be able to do my laundry a lot more often than I actually do (I told you we can be gross). Let us know how we’re doing by adding a few choice words to the moans (“Go faster and put your hand right here” or “Oh, keep doing exactly what you’re doing”). It’ll end better for both parties.
4. How Do We Rank?
It always crosses our minds at least once who you might have slept with before us (was it actually Jon “The Bulge” Hamm?). To that point, the last thing we want to hear before we sleep with you is how your previous sex-capades went. I once had a woman tell me as we were undressing that the last time she had a guy over was a “total disaster.” No elaboration…just left it at that, and then my imagination was off to the races. While I’m glad she didn’t say she had multiple orgasms unlike anything she’d ever experienced before (that would have been tough to beat), any talk about the last time you had sex is bad. Men want to think they’re the only ones—it’s a competitive thing, and yes, we know it’s stupid, but humor us. Even if your last experience was terrible and you think you’re giving us a confidence boost by predicting this one will be better, just don’t say it.
5. Where Will This Lead?
Is this a casual hookup, or are you going to want more after this? The anxiety over this question can start before you’ve even consummated your…whatever it is. Say a guy has been after a beautiful woman from work. One night he gets a hint that the interest might be mutual, so he makes a move. That leads to sex, and he thinks things are going somewhere…only to discover the next Monday that she is already back on the hunt…or, you know, it could be vice-versa. My two cents? Try to give clear hints about what you want before you both get naked—and see if he’s giving off the same one. It can save both of you from a lot of awkward un-answered texts and sad-face emojiis.
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Pat is a young professional working in the film industry in Los Angeles. When he isn’t on a Netflix binge or pigging out on LA’s great food, you can find him at the beach playing volleyball…trying to not get sunburned. He also likes long walks on the beach, and his favorite color is blue…but now we’re just getting too fancy.